Question
My fiancé and I agreed, from the time we got engaged, that I’d be running the show when it came to our wedding plans. Unfortunately, my (future) mother-in-law appears to be staging some sort of a coup, building up her own support base (my fiance’s two sisters) . So far she has booked floral arrangements, spoken to her priest on our behalf and scrapped my venue ideas! I don’t mind her being involved, but how do I make it clear that I am commander-in-chief?
Clare, Brisbane
Answer
OK, first I thought your future mother in law was just being nice booking floral arrangements? Eek!! She’s definitely getting way too excited and trying to run the show by the sound of things. Disregarding your ideas and preferences is just not on and disrespectful. Talk to your fiancé and tell him what’s been going on and how you feel about it. Watch that you’re not blaming anyone! Perhaps mention that you’re not happy with the flowers his mum chose and had other ideas, or that you really liked a certain venue and it should be your choice. I guarantee he’ll have a word and you’ll see her taking a step back. Good luck
As someone who went through the exact situation, only a few short months ago, I can agree with Rhonda on this - give his mother specific jobs (I chose to have her make the bonbonnaire - after giving one that I premade - she altered it slightly, which I was happy to cave on). Book the things you want, and then tell her, letting her give her opinion, but knowing there is nothing you can do about it. My whole wedding was booked for 70, after letting her get involved, it blew out to a new reception, 150 guests and a whole set of dramas - but I picked what was important to me, and stuck to my guns in not letting those things be changed - e.g. Church, colours, dresses
As a Marriage Celebrant I come across this quite often. The mother of the bride is usually involved in helping organise the wedding, the mother of the groom is usually not so involved. This is her son, she is just as excited about your upcoming marriage as you are. I suggest you find a way of involving her. Delegate, ask her if she minda helping you out by doing the specific job you give her. She will feel needed and special and every one comes out happy in the end. You are going to be around this woman for many years, Dont start off on the wrong foot! Rhonda Hall Marriage Celebrant Whitsunday's
Who is paying for the actual wedding? If it is totally the bride and groom, then I think you are in your rights to diplomatically mention that you'd consider her choices if she is willing to contribute. If they are paying for things, then it is only polite to let them have their input. The most important thing is that your GROOM MUST STEP UP and talk to his mother - so that you are not made out to be the evil one! This is even more complicated if there is an ethnic family (and traditions) involved .. and I speak from experience as I am of an ethnic heritage. Good Luck